"People'd be so fortunate to have you in their lives."

Yesterday, as I was driving home from a gathering, I noticed the highway I was driving on. Noticed how the lamp posts looked like little flowers. "How'd they erect those things so high anyway?" I asked myself. Noticed how pleasant it was to be stuck in traffic with the windows down listening to some 70s hits. And no, before you ask, I was completely sober (okay, well, I had a beer).

These days, I wake up without the need for an alarm clock. I do things based on my energy at the moment. Time no longer feels linear. It no longer feels like it goes by quickly. If I feel creative, I will write or draw. If I feel emotional, I'll do something based on the emotion I'm feeling. If I'm feeling happy, I'll do something social or break out into a silly dance. If I'm feeling sad, I'll "introvert" at home and watch something nostalgic and order me some McDees.

I feel this heightened sense of awareness. An overall improvement in my energy levels throughout the day. As if my mind, heart, and body are working as one. I feel powerful. Fearless. Creative. I feel peaceful. I feel appreciative. I feel grateful. I feel privileged. I feel humility.

I feel loved and the need to spread love.

Last year, I had this thought during one of my walks. I thought, "I just want to die with a smile on my face." Five or six years ago, this probably would've been "I'd like to leave behind a legacy." I think the whole legacy thing was just something my ego came up with: "you gotta leave something behind, Justin! So make a ton of money and be successful!" Perhaps dying with a smile on my face will be leaving a legacy anyway.

Ever since I got back from Spain in the middle of April, I've been sleeping on the couch in my room since my bed frame's been broken. The funny thing is, I'm fine with it. I don't need anything more. The couch does the job–it allows me to sleep and rest. In fact, I think I've been subconsciously training myself to adapt to the couch-surfing lifestyle.

These days, I'm deeply appreciative of the beautiful and pleasant world we live in. I get a warm feeling when I see people laughing. I feel empowered and inspired by the unique stories people tell. Trees and flowers are often mesmerizing (and I end up touching and engaging them). The flight of birds and butterflies are whimsical and awe-inspiring.

Painful moments have been healed at a much faster rate. Perhaps because I learned how to tend to my emotions. If it's heartbreak, I usually immerse myself in the emotion for a few days listening to 808's & Heartbreak moving on in a few days' time. Immersion in our emotions is a beautiful feeling. It's actually quite nice to feel momentarily sad. Sometimes I think that it'd be unfortunate to not feel sadness because then how can we feel happiness (or other emotions) without being able to differentiate and contrast them?

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought to myself, "people'd be so fortunate to have you in their lives." And it's not narcissism. Last thing I want is to be associated with some sorta superiority complex. It's, well, self-love. Self-acceptance. Self-actualization.

I first stumbled upon the concept of Self-Actualization in high school. It's a theory about basic human needs theorized by my boy Abraham Maslow. In simple terms, it's the idea that when our most basic needs are met: food, water, shelter, love, prestige, are met, then we'd eventually align with who we truly are.

The funny thing is, our capacity for our basic needs can be adjusted (much like the bed-couch situation). I sometimes joke that on my last tax return, I only got back $2. But hey, at least I didn't have to owe taxes! And I'm working a job I created for myself, so at least work feels like play.

I'm not sure if this is actually self-actualization (pun intended), all I can say is that it feels right. Maybe I'm there, maybe on the cusp, or maybe not, but regardless the label, I feel at peace with myself. And I think that's the most important thing.

💵 Balance: $2374 (️️⬆️ $114)

Further reading

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia

Contributors to Wikimedia projectsWikimedia Foundation, Inc.

Maslow’s forgotten pinnacle: Self-transcendence

Abraham Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs is depicted as a triangle with self-actualization at the very top. Right before his death, Maslow wanted to add another to the hierarchy: Self-transcendence.

Matt DavisBig Think

While I was meditating today, I reaffirmed loving and letting go of “A”. As if reaching her, I hear a response from her “I love you too, and our souls have connected.”

This got me thinking and feeling of all the people I’ve met. While the human and physical encounters may be deemed negative by some, their souls are inherently divine. A soul is neither positive nor negative, it is essence, ultimate divinity. That our souls grow or grow into the larger cosmos that they are because of the people we’ve met regardless of circumstance. The soul brings closer to it the people and experiences it needs to realign with its infinity. And sometimes, these may come as joyful and/or painful experiences, but ultimately, it’s the soul’s journey to realize its impact on itself: perfection.

Then, I thought about the breakdancing move “flares”. After learning about Tantra, and how it, ultimately is the divine connection between the mind and body (versus the Neo-Tantric movement of sexuality). A strong body equates to a strong mind, but a weak mind equates to weak body. A strong body, a strong mind, and a strong heart equates to a strong will or strong spirit. A strong spirit allows us to realign with our soul or our essence. A strong spirit allows us to integrate our shadow without conflict. It allows us to have the courage and will for discipline. Discipline is the act of keeping the negative aspects of our shadows at bay. For example, the negative aspects of my shadow yearns for affection and ego inflation. This is why recently, while during my fermentation process, I seek empty acts of sexual activity and perhaps window shopping for things I do not necessarily need.

I thought about the element of fire and how it manifests itself within me during my workouts. The burning of muscles, the burning of energy, the burning of fat. When I practice martial arts or sprint or practice calisthenics, there is an inner flame that allows me to “burn.” To burn aspects of my older self. When I swim and perform certain moves in martial arts, I am manifesting the element of water. Water is fluidity. It is the paradox of calmness yet turbulence. When I swim, I submerge myself into calmness, and when I cause waves and ripples, I am subjected to turbulence at which I am positioned to be internally calm. Flares and dance then, is subject to the element of Air. I thought about Avatar the Last Airbender and how graceful the movements of Airbenders are. This is why I want to practice flares. Because it is, ultimately, the true test of mind body alignment while aligning with grace.

I recited the Our Father during the meditation, later I dissected each statement. “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done” refers to the kingdom of God within all of us. And our alignment with our souls is our will enacted. “Deliver us from evil” is an affirmation of the discipline required to keep the negative aspects of our shadow selves in check. “Give us this day, our daily bread” I’ve changed to “Give us this day, our daily grace” As in saying “Grace.” Daily bread is not about food or sustenance, it is about receiving grace, which could come in forms of food or sustenance. But grace, ultimately, is the innate energy which allows us to be “graceful.” Grace allows us to dance and to move in ways that aligns with our essence, our soul.

I thought about Joy, Love, and Grace. Some of which are the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Joy is eternal optimism, which allows us for rebirth after dark periods in our lives. While happiness and sadness are merely fleeting emotions, Joy allows for us confidence and optimism of the world and the universe. Joy sparks joy in others, it is inherently viral. When people experience Joy, so too can they be optimistic and confident of the state of the world.

Love is the eternal bindings of the souls that have met. Our souls are constantly growing in unity. My soul is connected to the people I’ve met and the people I’ve lost. In a sense, we never really “lose” people. Because the soul, once connected, grows into a much more expanse unity of the cosmos. I thought about the people I’ve met and the probability behind it. How on average, we meet just about a few thousand people in our lifetime. In a way, the meeting is deterministic, as our souls attract souls that allow for our eternal unity with the universe, with God. That is what Love is, the ultimate unity of souls, unbounded and tethered.

Grace then, is an indication of our realignment with the soul. Grace extends beyond physical. Grace can be observed when one creates or performs. The more graceful we are in execution of things, the more it is we our connected with our selves, our essence. This can be seen in art, in music, in business, in conversations, in acts. To be graceful then, is to have ultimate realization and realignment with our soul. Grace is soul realignment experienced within the physical plane.

After such realizations, I felt and visualized the abstract “source.” The “light.” Or for a lack of better term, God. The visualization takes form of an endless loop of halos or rings, which later transforms into an eye, or an abstract “light.” The visualization and the feeling summons up confidence and will within me. Enough to let me write down these thoughts after such powerful realizations. In a sense, the experience of the “source” has lit and lifted me up. In retrospect, I have written these words with little thought. As if a divine hand has willed me to “spell” it out.

💵 Balance: $2260 (️⬇️ $1390)

Listen up, motherfuckers: I'm perfect.

And so are you.

We're perfectly flawed and perfectly in a constant state of change.

There's this idea of a perfect relationship which I used to subscribe to–where both parties need to be whole themselves. But what does being whole mean? Wholeness is temporary. Life is going to bite our butts and create a hole in our wholeness. You cannot spell wholeness without holeness. But whatever you do, just please don't be an asshole.

We're broken. And who can blame us? Society has broken us. We're working jobs we hate, living an exhausting lifestyle, partying ourselves to despair, looking outwards for joy. It's no wonder the world has lost touch with magical element of Love. Because at the end of the day, we forget to even love ourselves.

My theory is that Love is the greatest source of energy in our universe. It is divine. But over time, society started to hoard Love. As if it were something finite. Newsflash: Love is infinite.

The dating apps don't help. This is why I wanted to build a new one in the first place. And what I was about to build wasn't just an app; it was to start a revolution. A revolution around Love.

I mean, look, I barely know what to watch on Netflix and Disney Plus. And now, you give me a multitude of apps with highly curated filtered-out photos barraging me of my potential "one."

How does one commit if there's a better show to watch just waiting around the corner? How does one cultivate Love and romanticism? At this point, arranged marriage doesn't sound like too bad of a deal.

I'm a self-proclaimed hopeful romantic. I've had my fair share of dates that led to nowhereland.

All I had was Love to give.

I'm a point in my life where I can confidently say I love myself (like Kanye loves Kanye). So simplistically speaking, there are only two reasons why those said dates didn't transform into romantic relationships:

1. Misalignment in values
2. Their problem

p.s. I still love them.

Yes. It's not you. It's them.

Buuuuuut you also gotta ask yourself: would you date you? If the answer to that is no, then I'm sorry to break it to ya: you should go and love yourself (okay there, Justin Bieber).

Most of us are looking for a relationship to delegate the Love we lack in ourselves. We're lonely. We need a boost of serotonin, so we crave the attention and the sexual experiences. Sidenote: sex is a sacred act, so proceed with caution. A wise person once told me that having sex spiritually merges two souls. So for the fuckboys out there, ask yourself: do you really want to carry the spiritual baggage of that other person?

But believe me, if you learn how to love yourself, you'll remember that you, too, are infinite. That Love is abundant. That you are worthy to give and receive Love.

The opposite of Love isn't Hate.

The opposite of Love is Fear.

“Love in your mind produces love in your life. This is the meaning of heaven. Fear in your mind produces fear in your life. This is the meaning of hell.”
-- Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Also, for any single ladies out there: hollaaaaa! 👋

All jokes aside, I highly recommend the book by Marianne Williamson titled A Return to Love. The book is not about relationships (as society has bastardized the term to be over time), it's about our relationship with the divine magic inherent within us called Love.

Stay lovely, folks!

p.s. if you want to learn more about my journey to loving myself, I'm piloting a 4-week mastermind with an intimate cohort of 6 where I share my experiences and research around the subject. It's pay what-you-want! Send me a DM 😉

💵 Balance: $3650 (⬆️ $2912)

"I guess we all inherently know that our Time is limited. The difference between you and I was that I was reminded of it."

I have a deep fascination with the concepts of Time & Death.

Death is not a morbid subject for me. In fact, I find Death celebratory. When I attend funerals, I mourn as most people do. But there is this innate optimism to celebrate the Time spent by those who've gone through the experiences of life. In a way, it reminds me of the Time I have left in this world.

If you've ever been around me while I lure you into philo-existential questions, you've probably heard me ask, "how would you feel if you died today?"

I guess, to some degree, I just want everyone to live a fulfilled life. But our common societal programming leads us to believe that there'll be another moment, a tomorrow, another week, another month, another year.

My mom got breast cancer a couple of years ago. As optimistic as I am, I had to face the reality of the worse case scenario. At first, I was in denial. I asked her to get a second opinion. I didn't want to believe that Death could be waiting around the corner.

Around the same time, I came across a Reddit AMA–Cancer Patients & Survivors.

I was intrigued due in part of my coping, so I read through some of the discussions. There was one thread the really struck a chord with me.

The question: "How did you feel when the doctor broke the news that you have cancer?"

The response: "I guess we all inherently know that our Time is limited. The difference between you and I was that I was reminded of it."

My mom had beaten cancer. But the thought of Death had forever remained crucial to my relationship with Time.

Two years ago, one early morning, I took out my journal and started jotting down thoughts around my funeral. Also, it's important to note that I am not suicidal by any means. But I wrote down specific details–like how it should be celebratory, how I want people to dress colourfully, the songs I'd like for them to play (there were some wholesome Coldplay track in there, btw), how I want my assets to be distributed.

This exercise was liberating. It allowed me to keep Death at close quarters. It allowed me to appreciate the unknown amount of Time I have left.

It reminded me to be bold, to be surrendering to life, to not take myself so seriously. It allowed me to focus less on what others expected of me, and start aligning with how I truly want to live the rest of my life.

Over the past few years, I've come up with ways as to how I can fully get the most out of Time. These may not be applicable to you, but they have helped me tremendously.

1. Let go of future-focused plans.
   
   Why? Often times, the future is just a reflection of the past. I think it's healthy to have a vision for our life, but to plan it out in detail is just a bit absurd.
   
   My plans in 2019 were as follows:
   1. 2019: Get engaged
   2. 2020: Buy a house
   3. 2021: Get married
   4. 2022: Start a family
   
   Instead it looked like:
   1. 2019: Get engaged
   3. 2020: Leave my job
   4. 2021: Get into a new relationship & get out of it
   5. 2022: Travel
   
   
2. Focus on the NOW
   
   What can you do now to find a sense of fulfillment? Take a break, a reset, and fulfill your wishes to start your new business or a new adventure. The NOW is where infinite Time exists. It is the only moment that matters.
   
   A friend of mine has travel scheduled for October. We were discussing it and he told me how October is nearby. It's August. August had just begun. October is nowhere nearby. This type of yearning for future events to come is one sure way to let Time go much faster.
   
   We're here at the present moment. There's nothing more powerful than enjoying this. This conversation. This music. This weather. This work. These thoughts.
3. Don't do too little, don't do too much.
   
   I find that if I do too many things and attend too many events, Time goes by faster. I find that if I do too little, I yearn for the upcoming events.
   
   Make Time for solitude, for contemplation. But also make Time for joy and love. In other words, let there be boring moments. Boring moments allow us to become introspective and appreciative of exciting moments.
4. Set an artificial deathline.
   
   Yes, deathline. Not deadline. When shit got turbulent in my life, I told myself that I'd only live till 56. That is, if my mid-life crisis occurred at 28, then 28 * 2 = 56. Everything beyond this age is a bonus, but I'll be damned sure to make the most of my Time til then.

Now go out there and remember that you too will face the inevitable. Live out your dreams, dance like nobody's watching, and embrace Death so you can appreciate Life and the Time we have left!

💵 Balance: $738 (⬆️ $313)

It's been awhile.

My last update was well over a year ago. A lot has happened since then.

I went into a relationship. I got out of a relationship. I grew my company. I scaled down my company. I became obsessed with numbers. I forgot my artistry. Then remembered it again. I met angels. I travelled. I learned about the universe. I met people who've led me to other people. People who I was meant to meet. I learned about divinity, and how it exists within all of us.

The world had become magical, again.

A lot has happened. And I vow to write about them eventually, as they are stories of wonder, love, and faith.

When I left my job in June of 2020, I didn't quite know what to expect. If I'm being honest, I thought that whatever I was working on was going to automatically explode. That I'd be celebrating with drinks on a boat the following year. That last part did happen, but it wasn't because of the success of what I had built. Funny how the universe works.

I can't really put into words how difficult some of the moments in the last few years have been. There were moments of loneliness, self-doubt, and existential crises. But during the darkest moments, you start to unravel the light within.

I'm grateful. For the all the trials and tribulations. For finding love and joy. For the people who I came across in the unknown.

This isn't a story of entrepreneurship after all. It's a story of self-discovery.

This is the third year of discovery. Round three. Year one focused on the Mind. Year two focused on the Body. This year is all about Soul.

Three, after all, is my favourite number.

So what's next?

• I created CrowdParty using Joy as a foundation.
• Next, I'd love to solve Love.
• Oh, also, I'll be innovating on Death.

Joy, Love, & Death.

💵 Balance: $426 (⬇️ $17,056)

Note: the above number may be concerning, but I assure you, I'll be okay 😉

When I left my job to start my own company, I had to unlearn most of the things I'd learned.

One of the things I'd learned while working in the corpo world was how to create goals. When I started building my own product, I had set a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely) goal to land 10 paying customers three months out.

Three months later. I had zero customers. I hadn't achieved my goal. Worse yet, I hadn't progressed towards it and that worried me. That was something I wasn't used to.

Let's back up a bit.

At the start of 2018, I weighed 200 lbs. I started noticing how frequently tired I was. I knew I needed some sort of a lifestyle change. I started simple: I incorporated some sort of physical activity every day for 30 minutes.

I wasn't working toward a specific goal of losing X weight by Y date. I'd set such goals in the past but they never tend to work out.

I didn't really have a direction. The process built itself organically. First, the workouts started off as jogs. Then, I started to incorporate weight training. And then, High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT).

Today, I weigh 170 lbs. I'm more energetic and my mood's definitely been more positive. My coffee consumption also gradually changed: it went from five cups, to two cups, to two decaf cups.

Everyday, I still put in at least 30 minutes of physical activity.

So, what was the magic formula? Reframing goals to systems. Little did I know, I had created a system to improve my physical wellbeing.

What were some parts of that system?

• learning about different workouts
• learning about my diet
• learning about my physical limits
• learning about what made me feel good

The byproducts of incorporating the system were:

• weight loss
• improved thinking
• improved energy levels
• improved mood
• less caffeine

I just want to reiterate that there was never a concrete goal around any of the above.

~

Anyway, back to building a product.

After I failed to hit my goal, I decided to unlearn goal-setting and instead apply what I'd learned from my physical wellbeing system.

I'd set a system in place to improve my product's growth.

The system included:

• learning how to talk to customers
• learning what to build
• learning how to market my product

By the end of 2020, we had 96 paying customers.

The byproducts:

• increase in subscriptions
• improved landing page
• new game ideas
• made new friends

I sometimes ponder about the psychology behind goals versus systems.

Here're my thoughts:

Goals are a double-edged sword. Since goals inherently set up expectations, failure to hit goals will impact most people negatively. Additionally, there's an expectation where goals always have to keep improving when they are achieved; this doesn't scale and will always set you up for failure.

Goals are finite by definition. Once you've reached a goal, you're done. Systems, on the other hand, are inherently infinite. You're not working towards a measurable metric, you're working towards continuous improvement and learning.

Infinite-minded leaders understand that “best” is not a permanent state. Instead, they strive to be “better."

- Simon Sinek, The Infinite Game

Goals focus on a target. Systems allow for a hollistic view around all the different components and allow for better optionality. Take for a example, a goal to lose 10 lbs versus the system of improving physical wellbeing. In the former, I might just follow an unhealthy diet plan and achieve my goal. In the latter, I may learn more about the dietary requirements of my body, favourite workouts to boost my mood, optimizing my time to include physical activity, etc. Because I never constrained myself to weight loss, I'm able to observe different avenues of growth.

Thinking in systems allow us to improve through organic process building while we observe and learn about the different components of the system. So next time you set a goal, don't. Build a system instead.

Goals to Systems examples

I want to make $100,000 annually by the time I'm 30.

Instead: build a system that improves your financial health.

The system may include:

• Learning about investments
• Learning about career growth opportunities
• Learning about skills you'd like to learn / improve
• Learning what costs you can cut down on

I want to read 30 books by the end of the year.

Instead: build a system that improves your love for reading.

The system may include:

• Learning about what books you like to read
• Learning about how you can incorporate reading into your daily routine
• Learning about how to control your wandering mind

💵 Balance: $17,482 (⬇️ $904)

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I went grocery shopping last week. After I finished loading the groceries into the trunk, I pushed the cart back to the cart shed to return it. Upon returning it, I pop the buckle back into the cart lock and out comes a loonie, a one dollar Canadian coin.

As I was driving home, I thought to myself: what if I helped people return their carts and received a dollar for every cart?

So I did the math.

Say I can return a cart in 60 seconds or 1 minute. Every hour, I’d return 60 carts which amounts to $60/hr. And say I worked 8 hours a day. Everyday, I’d make $480. So how long will it take to make a million dollars?

$1,000,000 / $480
= ~2083 days or about 6 years

I found this thought experiment a little fascinating. I mean, $60 an hour ain’t too shabby. That's an annual salary of about $124,800!

Here’s another, potentially simpler way: the population of Toronto is 2.93 million as of this writing, but to simplify it, we’ll round it up to 3 million.

If you get a dollar from 1 of 3 people you meet within the city, you’d make a million bucks.

I think it really puts things into perspective. Alone, a dollar isn’t worth all that much. But received at scale, we’d be rich. For my fellow business owners and entrepreneurs, keep on keepin’ on! It’s just a matter of time till you make a million dollars! Not that this should be your primary goal. I mean, true wealth is hidden within the intangibles: health, love, and knowledge.

And who knows, maybe next time, you might just see me at the grocery returning carts.

💵 Balance: $18387 (🔻 $80)

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Every week, I’ll summarise some of my most prevalent thoughts into a minizine. What are you building? #philosophy #entrepreneur #minizine #magazine #lifehacks #lifelessons #thoughtsonlife #entrepreneurship #getmotivated

A post shared by Engineur (@engineur.io) on Oct 31, 2020 at 2:08pm PDT

Thunder's clapping. Rain spattering on the window. Brief flashes of lightning. As I write this, I take a deep breath and smile for all the things I'm grateful for.

I tend to get pretty emotional during my birthday. I tend to be deep in thought. Just about everything, y'know? This is, after all, an end to another year lived.

I have a, what some may call odd, birthday ritual. Around this time of the year, I'll go to McDonalds by myself and order a Happy Meal with a plain cheeseburger: just bun, cheese, and patty. Nothing else. Simple, straight to the point.

As I eat this cheeseburger, I reflect on my life thus far. I reminisce about some of the good times, some bad times. And I reassess where I am. Whether I'm happy with where I'm at. Whether I'm happy with who I've become. The cheeseburger plain? Well, it reminds me of my childhood. When I was younger, every weekend, we'd go to a McDonalds nearby. And well, that was the only thing I'd ever eat from there. And then I grew up.

This is me feeding my inner child. The rawest, purest form of myself devoid of all the walls that society has built around it over time. The deep reflection happens as I break those walls down, even for a brief moment.

Here's the thing: early 2019, I had everything figured out.

2020: get a house
2021: get married

But this time last year, everything changed. And the schedule? Well, there's no longer a schedule. A day or so after my cheeseburger moment, I'd submitted my 8-month notice of resignation. I'd come to realize that nobody really has it all figured out, and I was egotistical to think that I did.

Maybe I'm going through some sort of crisis. I'd already said to myself that if this were my midlife crisis, then I'd expect only to live till I was fifty-two. Every year afterwards would be considered a bonus. Until then, I have to live out the only life I've got. On my own terms.

Today, I'm happier, healthier, and I wake up everyday to a feeling of liberation. I go for morning walks. I meditate. I've even just launched a product that I built after leaving my job. It's funny, I started wearing glasses around this time last year. I once joked that it's helped me see my life more clearly. And it sure did.

Here's how I see it (pun may be intended): at some points in our lives, we forget who truly are. And then at other points, we scramble to find ourselves again. Like phoenixes, we're trapped in a perpetual cycle of death and rebirth. And on my last birthday, that cycle had begun anew.

This is rebirth. Happy birthday.

💵 Balance: $18467 (🔻 $729)

The only solution is to turn it off.

I had a thought-provoking conversation with a friend yesterday. I asked, “is the world merely a reflection of ourselves?” I, for one, was going through turbulent times. Had this also caused turbulence in the world today?

I have to be completely honest: while I’m very fortunate and happy to be working for myself, it’s also been a lot more difficult. It’s not that the work has been more difficult, it’s that I’ve been having a lot of difficulty dealing with my thoughts.

After some time, self-doubt starts to creep in and then you look back and notice that everyone who supported your decision is no longer cheering you on. At this point, it’s about mental resilience. If the world is a reflection of ourselves and we of our thoughts, then perhaps we need to address our thoughts.

So I went back to something tried and true. Everyday, as part of my morning routine, I’d take half an hour to meditate. Now, I’m no expert at meditation by any means, but I have started to take note of its effects on my wellbeing.

I would sometimes bike to a nearby park, walk to a hilly spot, or when the weather isn’t favourable, meditate in my room. I turn everything off, set an alarm, close my eyes, and then just breathe it all in. There’re usually three phases during my meditation:

💡 Acknowledgement

At this stage, I acknowledge my breath and all of the thoughts consuming me. My mind becomes a blizzard of thoughts and ideas. I acknowledge the thoughts and let them pass freely. New thoughts will emerge but I shouldn’t latch onto any single thought. I also acknowledge the environment—the wind brushing against my face, the blades of grass tickling my feet.

🎨 Abstraction

About ten minutes in, my thoughts start to blur creating abstractions of thoughts. My anxieties are abstracted into emotions which are then abstracted into experiences and then further abstracted into the highest-order entity, just another thought. I would often see past experiences play out and reconnect with them. Eventually, they disappear morphing into abstract shapes and colours.

❤️ Resolution

This usually happens midway through. But at this point, my body becomes more relaxed. I’m focused on my breathing and while some thoughts may still appear, they’re usually in the form of abstract shapes and are no longer comprehensible. They fade in, they fade out. I start to engage with the present moment. I start to feel like I’m connected with my environment. Like I’m connected to everything. Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders for I now understand that I am not defined by my thoughts.

I now understand that I am not defined by my thoughts.

We are easily influenced by our thoughts. The bigger problem is that our thoughts aren’t necessarily ours. Naval Ravinkant once said, “there’s too much society everywhere you go. You have society in your phone, society in your pocket, society in your ears. It’s socializing and programming everyone. The only solution is to turn it off.”

So while anxious thoughts may still sprout here and there, I am fully aware that they’re just that: thoughts. And my biggest superpower? Having control over them.

If the world is a reflection of ourselves, then maybe we just need to take some time to reflect and breathe it all in. We all deserve some peace, now more than ever.

💵 Balance: $19196 (🔻 $1398)

"If you can work here, you can work anywhere."

I stood there, overwhelmed by the pacing, by the constant beeping, by the heat. After the second day, I fell sick. I gave up. I didn't show up for weeks. I wasn't ready.

After a couple of weeks, my manager called me and asked where I'd been. I told her I was sick. She told me to get some rest and that I was scheduled for the next week. Maybe this whole thing just wasn't for me. But it was a job, and it was my job.

A year later, on a Sunday night, an hour before closing, as we enjoyed the peaceful idle time, an order appears on the screen. Seventy cheeseburgers. It was just three of us in the kitchen. We were all in a state of shock and confusion. Surely this was a mistake. "It's for a film crew," my manager yells out from the counter.

"Check the meat!" I exclaimed.
"Drop the buns!" another yelled.
I paused to strategize.
"Hey, switch with me, take the buns," I said.
"You, at the end."
"I'll take over the grill!"

It was showtime. 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2, push the green buttons to lower the grill. 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2, push. 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2, push. 24 patties which'll be ready in a couple of seconds. Beep! Beep! The clam rises. I wield the spatula. Season, stack, stack, stack, tray. Season, stack, stack, stack, tray.

After a couple of trays, I wash my hands and hop back onto the line. Buns were flowing from my right. Squirt, squirt, garnish, pass. Squirt, squirt, garnish, pass.

In about twenty minutes or so, the battle was over. We had won. We had made seventy cheeseburgers. We had put smiles on the faces of a film crew. Whatever they were filming, I sure hope they made something great.

I experienced it all. I once went full Neo and dodged a chicken sandwich thrown at me because we had missed a tomato on the order. I lifted endless heavy boxes of fries and beef patties. I worked overnights where I'd often get disrespectful customers who were hangry after a night partying.

There was this one time where group of ladies drove through at 2 am in the morning for coffee. "How do you like your coffee?" I ask through the headset. "We like our coffee how we like our men!" one of them said rhetorically. "Regular?" I replied. They laugh. And the order proceeds. Maybe I should've went with "double-double," instead.

I worked at that place for three years during my highschool and university years. I started as a crew member, and left as a manager. Many relationships were formed there--mentors, mentees, and most importantly, friends.

The place had taught me a ton of valuable lessons but here're my key takeaways:

1. 🏀 Teamwork makes the dream work
2. 🧹 If there's time to lean, there's time to clean
3. 🍔 Persistence will make seventy cheeseburgers

A manager once told me, "if you can work here, you can work anywhere." Cathy, if you're reading this, you were right. So thank you.

I've since become a Creative at Apple, a Software Developer at a startup, and a Team Lead at my last job at an amazing people-first software company. Speaking of which, after the first year working at my last company, our team had won the Team of the Year award. We were one of the most impactful teams within the organization. We were innovative and we shipped great work. I now realize it's because the team was composed of a buncha' scrappers. The type of humble people that worked the nitty-gritty jobs--burger chains, pizza joints, restaurants, office supplies stores, farms, you name it. Now, I'm working on my own startup, and one day, I, too, will be looking for a team of scrappers.

When I was looking for my second software job back in 2017, I remember a recruiter telling me before ending our conversation, "just a tip: remove Mc***ds (name redacted 😉) from your resume and your LinkedIn." I was confused. It was an experience. And I was proud of it. So, no, recruiter, I will not remove it. People will see it, and when they see it, they will understand my work ethic because of where I came from. And if they don't understand that, then it's their loss. I had a job, and it was my job. And it redefined me. And that's what experience is.

💵 Balance: $20,594 (Raptors tickets got refunded 😅)

Close your eyes. Imagine you were thirteen again. You wake up to a warm summer day. No plans. No care in the world. You’ve got a whole day ahead of you. What do you do?

It’s been two and a half weeks since I left my job. I don’t think you ever leave a place. In some ways, you’ve shaped the environment you’ve left. While I no longer work for the company, I’m sure I’ve left a lasting impact somehow. Whether it’s in the code I wrote, the ideas I’ve expressed, or the people I’ve touched, my spirit is still very much alive and present.

So, how’s it been so far? Different.

Without a job, every day feels like a new Phineas and Ferb episode. Whatever I feel like doing that day, I have the freedom to just do it (unexpected Nike ad). I’ve become a little more tuned to the varying degrees of creative energies within me. If I feel inspired to write, I’ll write. When I feel the need to code, I’ll code features for the product I’m currently working on. Sometimes, I’ll play the piano. Other times, I’ll read. I may even catch up with an old friend here and there. No more meetings around yesterday’s meetings. No more routine time-taker-uppers. This is what liberation feels like: spontaneity at its finest.

Leaving at a time like this has been one of the most challenging decisions in my life. The truth is, so far, it’s shown net positive effects. The event had reconnected me with old friends, while strengthening relationships at work to beyond just being colleagues. Previous senior leadership became allies instead of just bosses. The timing of it all had created a story. Most importantly, my work now offers a greater sense of fulfillment, since I’m now building my own dreams instead of someone else’s.

Paying for university taught me a very valuable lesson: that you have to commit to it since you’ve paid for it. It’s kind of the same thing now. I just paid for freedom instead.

So far so good though, right?

It’s been challenging. There were a few days where I felt uninspired. A few days where I felt unproductive. I’m trying to design, build, and market a product to eventually start making an income off of it. But where do I start? There’s so much to do and learn that just the thought of it can get overwhelming. But this is where discipline comes in.

My habits, as it turns out, have spilled over to my new life. Everyday, I have to exercise, meditate, and produce something, just as I did previously. Not because I want to, but because I have to. It’s the only way I’ll survive and stay sane. The very same habits had gotten me to this point, allowing me to build up the necessary courage to do what I did. By proof of induction, the very same habits will build up the necessary courage for whatever’s next!

Here’re the three goals I have to accomplish each and every single day to stay disciplined:

• 💪 Lift
• ❤️ Love
• 🚀 Launch

While I intend to give a more in-depth dissection of this formula in upcoming posts, here’s an example to give you a better idea of what it’s all about:

💪 Lift: back + biceps
❤️ Love: caught up with a childhood friend over Thai food
🚀 Launch: new feature for CrowdParty

This simple formula allows me to stay disciplined while I slowly pick away at my dreams. No matter how rough it gets, at the end of the day, if we’ve taken care of our bodies, spent time with those we love, and contributed towards our ideas, then I’ve got a good feeling that we’ll be alright. Rinse and repeat, then succeed.

So for those who’ve been asking how it’s been like so far: let me tell you, I feel like I’m on summer vacation. 🏝

💵 Balance: $19,460

Speaking of which, I’ve launched @engineur.io on Instagram, a community where creatives, innovators, and philosophers alike can go and discuss how we can engineer our lives. Check it out and join the community!

It was warm summer day in Toronto. It was the year 2018. A good friend and I just finished jogging a few laps while bouncing ideas back and forth. As we sat on the bench, we looked out to the orange-blue gradient dusk. “We just have to save up fifty grand,” I said, as we continued to stare into infinity. “I calculated it last weekend, fifty grand is all we’d need, and we can take a year off and build our ideas.”

• 🏠 Rent: $1200 * 12 months = $14400
• 🚍 Transportation: $140 * 12 months = $1680
• 🍗 Food: $200 * 52 weeks = $10400
• 📱 Phone Bill: $90 * 12 months = $1080
• 🌐 Internet: $60 * 12 months = $720
• 🍿 Entertainment: $300 * 12 months = $3600

The above totals to $31,680, just shy of the fifty grand I’d estimated then. The point was, fifty grand was the savings you’d need to live more than comfortably for a year.

Here’s the thing: I’ve always fantasized about the idea of taking a break. In fact, one of the reasons why I’d decided to do what I did was that I needed some sort of a pause. Life was moving at an unprecedented pace. The idea journal kept on growing, there were books I wanted to read, people I wanted to meet. There were things I wanted to experience in life, and I had the energy. What I didn’t have much of was time. One late October day, I showed up at work and had set up a meeting with my manager. I told him that I’d be out by Q2 of 2020.

🥳 3-2-1, Happy New Year!

This was the year. The year I’d live my dream. I bought myself a New Year’s present: a two-month stay at a co-living space in Spain. I planned to stay during August and September. Then a family trip in October. Then, who knows what’s next.

The first few months flew by. Wildfires were setting forests ablaze. Kobe. Inactive volcanoes erupt. And then the pandemic hits.

We were asked to work from home. I took a book and a Rubik's cube off of my desk, thinking we'd be back in no time. Silly me. When I’d hoped for a pause, this wasn’t the kind I was expecting.

Or was it?

Boredom always precedes a period of great creativity. -Robert Pirsig

Around April, I started entertaining the idea of extending my stay. After all, who knows what’ll happen next. The job offered me a sense of security. And to tell you the truth, I was very fortunate to be working at this company. It’s honestly a great company to work for. But then, I started feeling a heightened sense of creativity. And then it hit me, quoting Robert Pirsig, that, “boredom always precedes a period of great creativity.” I was sketching, writing, and learning the piano. I even ended up starting a radio show at work. Times will never be the same, but if this is the silver lining of the pandemic, I’ll gladly take it and wield creativity in all its glory.

I realized that this pandemic changes nothing. It doesn’t change the fundamentals. The fifty grand goal is just as valid as it was two years ago! In fact, the pandemic works towards my advantage. Less distractions, less expenditure, more time to master thy self.

I’d been working since I was fifteen. I remember doing overnight shifts at McDonalds and then heading straight to a 9am university class. I guess I didn’t really have any sort of breaks in between. And now, I can finally afford to have one.

In case you were wondering: no, I don’t have fifty grand. I ended up with twenty grand. That being said, I also have an emergency fund in case I need it. I’ll make sure to write another post around the finances. In the meantime, all the trips I’ve planned this year have been cancelled. And I’m also living at home which gives me a pretty good discount on rent. Transportation costs have also been cut since I’ve got nowhere to go.

While the world becomes uncertain, I become more certain that this is the best way to accomplish what I’ve always wanted: a pause. So that I can catch up on the things I’ve always wanted to do. While some people may invest their savings on real state, stocks, or materialistic goods, I’ve gone ahead and invested in myself instead. I’ve got enough runway for a year, plus-minus a few months. This will definitely challenge me in ways I can’t even imagine. But if I’m as creative as I think I am, I’m sure I’ll find a way. Or the universe will conspire to help yet another fella out.

So here’s my master plan:

1. Share ideas with the world
2. Generate income off of said ideas
3. Use income from step 2 to repeat step 1

💵 Balance: $20,000.00